Look at me, in blue jeans! I NEVER buy traditional-colored denim because I am eternally worried the color makes me look not so great. But, I saw these high-waisted beauties at Aeropostale last week for $5.99, and just couldn't resist. I have to say that store has really transformed since my last visit, which was probably in high school to purchase my school uniforms. They had sale bins that lured me in, but I will definitely be back! Surprisingly, I ended up liking the denim rather well. They definitely fit better for a more casual look than all my black jeans.
Alright, now that I got my obligatory outfit talk out. Let's talk anxiety. I've talked about my struggles with it on more than one occasion here, but it seems lately that it's really had a hold on me. Suffering from anxiety and depression has to be one of the most frustrating and complicated things I have ever been faced with. It's hard to explain the feeling I personally get from being "anxious", because the severity is so unpredictable. Sometimes just seeing a big crowd of people gives me a nervous feeling, and other times I have to try with everything in me just to catch my breath over thinking about work, bills, and the perpetual "what am I doing with my life?" thought spinning through my head. Other times, my anxiety/depression isn't triggered by anything at all. Those times are the worst of all. Here recently, I've really had to come to terms with the fact that this is something I'm probably going to have to deal with forever. But, I've also made the decision to start weeding out the parts of my life that seem to intensify it. This means taking a few big leaps towards something new, even though it is terrifying and I face the possibility of failing. (I'll have more details on that soon enough.) I've also been trying to find someone to talk to about the way I have difficulty processing things in my life. This has been trying, because I have worked with several "counselors" in the past that I did not feel comfortable with at all. I do think it's going to be different this time though, since things are on my own terms. I'm tired of living halfway, and being miserable without knowing why.
If you have ever or are currently dealing with anxiety or depression, please know that it is just as serious as it feels and also that you are worth getting better for. Be selfish! Understand that it is not going to be easy ever, and that it may never fully go away. But, you can find ways to cope, and people who don't think you're weird or hopeless. Go buy flowers for yourself even if it seems stupid. Look at old pictures from times that you were genuinely happy, just to remind yourself that you are capable of being okay. Know that even at your worst, there is still something to keep trying for, no matter how minuscule. I have been a self-loathing, cynical, unhappy person for too long. I've hidden behind sarcasm and attitude to forget about the real issue at hand. I've damaged relationships, and harmed myself for no reason other than being totally lost. And, its taken me 21 years to figure it out, but I'm finally starting to feel like I have a chance at something else. Something better. You do, too. Whoever you may be, you beautiful person, you. Take care of yourself. You're all you've really got.
Tank/ bralette- T.J. Maxx
Purse- American Eagle (found at T.J. Maxx)
Sunnies- Gabriel Brothers